You may be wondering what we've been up to all these months…since its been almost 5 months since my last post. Well, let's see…The first few weeks I stayed in bed most of the time...recouping from a 27 hour labor (where you feel like you've been ripped open, beat up, and ran over a few times) doesn't happen overnight, that's for sure! Jack and I just laid around in bed getting to know each other, watching movies and surfing the internet.
After 5-6 weeks I started feeling normal again…more like myself. And Jack started sleeping more so that helped! The past couple months we have taken a few trips (Jack did great on his first airplane ride!),
shopped together,
used my awesome jogging stroller to go on walks (no jogging here), went swimming (Jack loved it), met new friends,
took TONS of pictures, and just played together and loved on each other! I tell Jack all the time that I'm sorry he has such a crazy mom…I wish I had more self control but I can't help but kiss (and sometimes bite) those delicious cheeks and fat thighs.
Things that I hope I'll never forget about this time in my life:
-The way Jack plays with my hair when I'm breastfeeding him…he spreads out his fingers and sways his hand back and forth in my hanging hair. I just love it.
-When I get really close to his face, he puts his chubby little hands on my face and squeals…so cute!
-The way he looks at me…so lovingly.
-When I wake up from a nap to see him propped up on his elbows smiling at me.
-The way my milk makes everything better…there's just something so awesome about being able to provide that security and comfort for your child! I am needed!
-How I can just look at him and make him laugh…I love that little laugh.
-Hearing Adam talking so sweetly to Jack, saying "Jack…say dada, dada", or singing lovingly to him. I love that Jack looks for Adam in the morning, and when he sees Adam sleeping he starts talking to him, trying to wake him up. And when Adam gets home in the evenings Jack gets so excited and kicks those little legs a mile a minute.
-I love when Jack falls asleep in the baby carrier…I get to stare at that sleeping face to my hearts content!
-The way Jack laughs when I take his shirt off!
There are just sooooo many more moments I wish I could capture and never forget. Too bad I don't have a film crew following me around 24/7. I just try to live each day to the fullest, soaking in all these precious moments!
The following is something I wrote a month ago but never posted…it was entitled "What I Didn't Know About Motherhood". I meant to add to it and never got around to it.
I love being a mom…it's what I always wanted to be. I used to pray when I was little that God would let me live long enough to be a mom. I loved anything baby…baby dolls, little diapers, baby clothes…I had a water baby that was my favorite baby doll. I cried a few times thinking that if the rapture came I wouldn't be able to take her with me. Then I remember thinking…you can't be sad in Heaven, and I would be sad without my baby…so obviously God would make an exception and let me take my baby doll with me!
Even though I loved babies and children so much, nannied for years, taught for a while, read books…I didn't have motherhood all figured out like I had thought…
I didn't know that I would have such an overwhelming love for this child…it brings me to tears sometimes thinking that he will grow up and leave me one day.
I didn't know that I would miss him when he naps or goes down for the night. I had no idea you could miss a child who is sleeping right next to you in the playpen…is that weird? I miss his smiles and his cute little voice…his chubby kicking legs and his oh so kissable cheeks!
Before I had him, I thought motherhood would make me a walking zombie…grumpy and tired all the time. This was the most surprising to me…I feel fine! I'm able to function off of a few hours a night…and actually most of the time when I'm woken up at night to nurse…I'm happy to do it! I love our time together at night, just me and Jack. I try to cherish these moments as I know it will be over all too soon and I will long for these times!
I didn't know my heart would melt at his first smile. I love that little smile! :)
I had no idea how attached I would be…I don't ever want to be apart from him. It makes me sad to think about!
I never knew that when my baby cries I would have this intense need to calm and soothe him.
I didn't know that a mother never "gets over" a miscarriage, even after what seems like an appropriate amount of time. I think of Amelia every day, and am constantly reminded of her through him. When he smiles I am reminded that I would have two babies smiling at me. When people say, are you going to try for a girl next? I think…we had a girl…When I see boy/girl twins I'm reminded that I am missing my girl. I still cry for her. I will never "get over it" but am learning to live with it.
Motherhood is not all sunshine and roses…there are times when I'm tired, not sure how to comfort him, would like to sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time, am tired of being pooped on (lol)…but it's mostly sunshine and roses! The hard times seem to disappear out of my mind when I wake up to the sweet sounds of him "talking" to toys in his bed, when I say good morning and receive a huge smile and coo back, when he is happy and content just being in my arms, when he puts his little chubby hands on my face, when he looks so lovingly at me…I'm so in love!
I never knew motherhood would be this great!
