Welcome to the world Jackson!

The day I went into labor started out like most others…except I had been having more Braxton Hicks than usual and had very mild cramping throughout the night along with them. I woke up Sunday morning (exactly 38 weeks pregnant) and thought a jacuzzi bath sounded awesome…so I got out my thermometer to make sure the water didn't get too hot, turned on some soothing music, dimmed the lights and soaked for a while in the tub. It was very peaceful and relaxing.

After I got out it seemed like the contractions had somewhat gone away so I went about doing my usual things and then took a much needed 2 hour nap…which later I was very glad I did! Later that afternoon my contractions started getting stronger again and a tad more painful than the Braxton Hicks I had been experiencing the week before. The contractions were about 7 minutes apart at this point. I decided another bath was in order so Adam put on my music and lit some candles all around the tub. I got in for a bit and then I started thinking about all the chores I needed to get done if I really was in labor. So I jumped out and started vacuuming and doing the dishes…I couldn't bring a baby home to a dirty house! I was around 4-5 minutes apart as I was vacuuming. I had to pause between contractions, but it still wasn't too painful so I figured I had time. I didn't want to get to the hospital too early!

I decided to take a shower since I knew it would probably be awhile before my next one if I really was in labor. Then my contractions were about 3 minutes apart and thats when we decided to leave. We gathered our bags, the carseat, my camera, pillows and blankets and started on the 45 minute drive to the hospital. I still didn't really believe I was in labor and kept thinking they were going to send me back home.

We arrived at the hospital around midnight. They checked me and I was 3 centimeters dilated. They said they'd give me an hour to get to 4 centimeters…if I wasn't at 4 then I would need to walk the halls for an hour. If I still wasn't 4 then I would have to go back home. Well, after an hour nothing happened so we were sent to walk the halls. I had to stop every time I had a contraction and lean on Adam until it went away. Finally an hour had passed and they checked me again…I was a 3.5…so she said it was up to me if I wanted to stay or not since I was so close to 4. I said I wanted to stay since we lived 45 minutes away and my contractions were getting steadily stronger. We started calling people telling them baby Jack was coming soon. Little did we know how long this labor would actually be!!

I labored through the night and it started getting really intense Monday afternoon. I think at this point I had been in labor at the hospital for around 15 hours. I was in and out of the shower throughout the day because the heat seemed to really help. I tried the birthing ball but that soon got uncomfortable, I knelt at the bed and that seemed to help. I also used the birthing bar that attaches to the bed and that was second best to the shower.

Adam was by my side the whole time…I couldn't have gone as long as I did without him. He reminded me to breath during contractions, gave me massages, and helped relieve the pressure by squeezing my hips during contractions (something I heard about from a doula on youtube).

But it got to the point where nothing helped…the shower didn't help, I didn't want anyone to touch me as that seemed to make the pain worse, and changing positions didn't help. All I could do is writhe around in pain…I felt like I was dying. The contractions were getting much stronger and very close together. I thought I could possibly do this thing natural if I didn't have to do it much longer…but when they checked me I was only 6.5 centimeters…I had only progressed .5 centimeters in 3 hours!! I started crying…it didn't seem like there was an end to the pain. I so badly wanted a natural birth but I also was so exhausted and in so much pain at this point that the pain spoke louder than my desire for a natural birth. I decided to get the epidural.

After the epidural started taking effect I was in heaven! I couldn't feel anything! I did have a weird side effect from it for a few hours…my right eye became somewhat swollen and my eyebrow arched up higher on that side…it was really weird and scary since my mom had a mini-stroke while having my sister. Because of that I wasn't able to get much sleep because I was worried, but at least I was able to rest.

Finally sometime around 11:30pm I started pushing. I was so tired I fell asleep between pushes, lol. I pushed for about 3 hours! I threw up in between pushes at one point and then went back to it. I remember being extremely tired and extremely thirsty! Finally the doctor came back in to check things and he basically said I had two choices…either stop the epidural so my contractions come back stronger or to use forceps. He said he recommended the forceps because I was really swollen from all the trauma my body had been through and stopping the epidural wouldn't guarantee that they wouldn't have to use forceps eventually anyways. I looked at Adam and asked what should we do? With a heavy heart we agreed on the forceps. It was very scary to me…I was very worried, as was Adam although he put on a brave face for me. I just wanted to ball my eyes out. I was worried that it would hurt the baby, damage his brain or eyes or even pull his head off…I know, it's a bit gory but that's what I was imagining. Also, my epidural was wearing off…I could feel my toes and move my legs so I was worried about the pain too. I asked the nurse if she had seen any forceps deliveries and she said she had seen a few, but that Dr. Bullock had been doing this longer than she was alive and that she would trust him over anybody else. That made me feel better.

As soon as we gave the go ahead, things happened fast. A team of nurses came swarming in with all their tools and things in preparation for Jack's arrival. The doctor briefed me on how things would go and then right before he got the forceps he said, if this doesn't work, we will have to do a c-section. I could only hope and pray that this would work. The doctor placed the forceps on Jack's head (not sure how he knew where to place them as Jack was still pretty far in there) and as soon as I got my next contraction I pushed and he pulled. We only had to do this twice before Jack's head was out…and still intact to my relief! The pressure during this was very intense…I thought my body would rip open! During the next contraction he said we needed to get the shoulders out so I pushed and him and Adam maneuvered Jack's shoulders out (yes, he let Adam help him). Then he said, reach down and pull your baby out. I couldn't see anything over my belly so I put my hands down and felt around. I felt Jack's warm slippery little body and I tried to pull him out but my hands slipped. The doctor looked at Adam and said, help pull your son out. So Adam and I pulled him out together and placed him on my chest.

I had to censor some of these, lol!

He was so beautiful! I couldn't believe my baby was finally here…after 27 hours of labor in the hospital I thought he'd never come!! They had to take him briefly after a few minutes to suction his airway because he was gurgling a little, but they brought him back quickly and I just held him skin to skin for a while and then breastfed him. He was a healthy 8 lbs, 11oz and 20 3/4 inches long. Big Boy! I was so thankful that he made it through the whole ordeal safely! I'm so glad I chose Dr. Bullock…he really knew what he was doing and Jack barely bruised from the forceps…the marks pretty much disappeared by the next day!

After I birthed the placenta we found sweet Amelia. Adam and the doctor hovered over her for a while talking about her. The doctor was amazed that she was so well preserved and said he had only seen this in textbooks. They soon wheeled the placenta over to me and I was able to see what was left of our sweet baby girl. You could see what looked like a leg and the doctor and Adam felt the bones. It was bittersweet, saying goodbye to Amelia but welcoming Jackson into the world. It really wasn't too emotional for me though…I think I had prepared myself and with all the excitement over Jackson I was at peace with it.

 Jackson got his first bath…I don't think he cared for it very much!

We soon moved to a new room and were able to snuggle and love on our sweet baby! He never left our sight…we were able to keep him with us for all the tests and things that the nurses needed to do. Adam is so cute with him! He's changed many diapers and just loves and dotes on him! He's such a good daddy! 

Wednesday afternoon we finally had the thumbs up from the doctor that we could start the discharge process. After signing a bunch of paperwork we thought we were good to go so we packed up and started walking out. Everyone was kinda looking at us funny so I asked if we were good to go…they said, No, get back in your room!! Apparently we had one more form to sign, lol, oh well…we are new at this! Finally after signing ALL forms they wheeled me out to the car and we headed home to start our new life together!

I will say that I don't remember anybody saying how difficult the recovery is…it's been over a week now and I'm still in a lot of pain. It's definitely better than it was ( I could hardly walk the first day) but it's going to take a few more weeks for me to feel 100% again! BUT…I absolutely LOVE being a mommy and it is so worth all the pain! Jackson is such a joy to us…we couldn't be happier! He really is such a good baby, so sweet and content! He's been eating well and sleeping good so I don't feel totally exhausted which is great! I love him so much and am so excited about this new journey! This whole experience has been the most painfully wonderful experience of my life! :)

26 Week Update!

It's been about 2 months since Amelia passed and I've wanted to blog before now but would just sit and stare at the blank screen and then eventually turn it off. The first week was the hardest…going from the mindset of having twins to one, losing our baby girl, feeling kicks from Jackson and knowing that I'll never feel Amelia's kicks. It was very difficult for me, but I think it was equally if not more difficult for Adam…Amelia was the little girl Adam wanted! He wanted a daddy's girl and his little girl was taken away. I was able to cry and get my emotions out while he held his in. I felt so sorry for him…he had to leave work early the first day back because it was just too hard for him…everybody talking about it. Then I felt like it was unfair to Jackson that we were so upset about our baby girl…he's our sweet baby too. The first week was really…strange.

I decided that I needed to get Adam something tangible to hold on to…I felt like it would make things easier for him. I had Jackson…a constant reminder that we still have a beautiful, sweet baby to look forward to. I also had a necklace my Mother-in-law had given me for mother's day that had 2 pair of baby feet, one pink and one blue. I wore it often and it was a comfort to me. So I went to Things Remembered and looked for something I could get Adam. I came across this dog tag necklace that had an angel wing and circular metal piece. I thought it was perfect and I got Amelia's name inscribed on one side and Jackson's name on the other. On the circular metal piece I got 2 hearts intertwined because they are twins. I was so excited to give it to Adam that night! He absolutely loved it and put it on right away…I don't think he's taken it off since and he has a green ring around his neck because of it. I keep telling him to take if off when he gets a shower but he doesn't want to. I've caught him a couple times sitting on the couch watching tv with her name up to his lips…makes me cry thinking about it.

After that first week it was like something snapped…I was much happier and was able to easily make the mental transition from twins to one. I was able to talk about things without breaking down and could smile at her memory. Every once in a while the tears will come…like today as I'm typing…but for the most part I've been able to put the depression and sadness behind me. We are both very much looking forward to Jack's arrival and can't wait to hold our little boy! I had a checkup a few weeks ago and the doctor says everything looks good and I'm measuring right on schedule! He did an ultrasound and I was able to see Jackson gulping down amniotic fluid…it was so cool! I'm so glad he is doing well!! I love feeling his kicks and now they are not just kicks but I can see his body move from one side to the other. Sometimes he will kick off of one side and I'll feel his body hit the other side of my stomach. He also responds to noise now and gets really active in crowds or during movies! He is so cute, I just love him! <3

Well, after a 2 month house-hunting spree, at least 6 offers, constantly being outbid…we FINALLY got a house!!! We will be closing August 15 and our lease is up August 19…whew, that was close! I can't wait to have my own place, to have a yard for the puppies, and to be able to decorate Jackson's room!! I'm so excited!! It's a perfect starter home for us and is on the same street as the neighborhood pool and park!

We recently went on our last vacation before Jack arrives…we went to visit family and friends in Florida! We had a great time and my childhood best friend, Diana (who is also pregnant with a boy), was able to make it down as well. We were finally able to get pictures together pregnant…which was always a dream of ours! Her last and my first. She is exactly 8 weeks ahead of me!

While we were down we scheduled a 4-D ultrasound so that everybody could share this exciting time with us! Adam and I were so excited to see our little boy…I couldn't wait to see who he would look like. We were surprised to see that he had chubby cheeks already (I was 25 weeks at the time) and he was opening his eyes. The ultrasound tech said he weighs almost 2 pounds and has long legs! He is so adorable…I can't wait to hold him!!! We think he has Adam's nose and my lips! It was an amazing experience and I'm so glad we were able to share it with everybody!

Afterwards my step-mom, Luci, had a mini-baby shower for me! We ate lunch at a great restaurant on the water, ate delicious gelato at a little cafe, and had a pampering session at an awesome nail salon! It was so much fun and I absolutely love getting baby stuff so it just made my day!! I can't wait to set up Jackson's room so I can look at all his stuff everyday!

Well I think that about sums up the last 2 months! Lots going on in our lives right now…it's such an exciting time! I'll try to blog more often! :)