The First Five Months of Motherhood

Jackson is five months already!!! FIVE!!! The last five months have been amazing! Jack really is such a good, sweet, loving, funny, content little boy…he makes being a mom so easy and unbelievably enjoyable! Our days together just fly by…I wish they would slow down!!

You may be wondering what we've been up to all these months…since its been almost 5 months since my last post. Well, let's see…The first few weeks I stayed in bed most of the time...recouping from a 27 hour labor (where you feel like you've been ripped open, beat up, and ran over a few times) doesn't happen overnight, that's for sure! Jack and I just laid around in bed getting to know each other, watching movies and surfing the internet.

After 5-6 weeks I started feeling normal again…more like myself. And Jack started sleeping more so that helped! The past couple months we have taken a few trips (Jack did great on his first airplane ride!),

shopped together,

used my awesome jogging stroller to go on walks (no jogging here), went swimming (Jack loved it), met new friends,

took TONS of pictures, and just played together and loved on each other! I tell Jack all the time that I'm sorry he has such a crazy mom…I wish I had more self control but I can't help but kiss (and sometimes bite) those delicious cheeks and fat thighs.

Things that I hope I'll never forget about this time in my life:

-The way Jack plays with my hair when I'm breastfeeding him…he spreads out his fingers and sways his hand back and forth in my hanging hair. I just love it.
-When I get really close to his face, he puts his chubby little hands on my face and squeals…so cute!
-The way he looks at me…so lovingly.

-How he smells.
-When I wake up from a nap to see him propped up on his elbows smiling at me.

-The way my milk makes everything better…there's just something so awesome about being able to provide that security and comfort for your child! I am needed!
-How I can just look at him and make him laugh…I love that little laugh.
-Hearing Adam talking so sweetly to Jack, saying "Jack…say dada, dada", or singing lovingly to him. I love that Jack looks for Adam in the morning, and when he sees Adam sleeping he starts talking to him, trying to wake him up. And when Adam gets home in the evenings Jack gets so excited and kicks those little legs a mile a minute.
-I love when Jack falls asleep in the baby carrier…I get to stare at that sleeping face to my hearts content!
-The way Jack laughs when I take his shirt off!

There are just sooooo many more moments I wish I could capture and never forget. Too bad I don't have a film crew following me around 24/7. I just try to live each day to the fullest, soaking in all these precious moments!

The following is something I wrote a month ago but never posted…it was entitled "What I Didn't Know About Motherhood". I meant to add to it and never got around to it.


I love being a mom…it's what I always wanted to be. I used to pray when I was little that God would let me live long enough to be a mom. I loved anything baby…baby dolls, little diapers, baby clothes…I had a water baby that was my favorite baby doll. I cried a few times thinking that if the rapture came I wouldn't be able to take her with me. Then I remember thinking…you can't be sad in Heaven, and I would be sad without my baby…so obviously God would make an exception and let me take my baby doll with me!

Even though I loved babies and children so much, nannied for years, taught for a while, read books…I didn't have motherhood all figured out like I had thought…

I didn't know that I would have such an overwhelming love for this child…it brings me to tears sometimes thinking that he will grow up and leave me one day.

I didn't know that I would miss him when he naps or goes down for the night. I had no idea you could miss a child who is sleeping right next to you in the playpen…is that weird? I miss his smiles and his cute little voice…his chubby kicking legs and his oh so kissable cheeks!

Before I had him, I thought motherhood would make me a walking zombie…grumpy and tired all the time. This was the most surprising to me…I feel fine! I'm able to function off of a few hours a night…and actually most of the time when I'm woken up at night to nurse…I'm happy to do it! I love our time together at night, just me and Jack. I try to cherish these moments as I know it will be over all too soon and I will long for these times!

I didn't know my heart would melt at his first smile.  I love that little smile! :)

I had no idea how attached I would be…I don't ever want to be apart from him. It makes me sad to think about!

I never knew that when my baby cries I would have this intense need to calm and soothe him.

I didn't know that a mother never "gets over" a miscarriage, even after what seems like an appropriate amount of time. I think of Amelia every day, and am constantly reminded of her through him. When he smiles I am reminded that I would have two babies smiling at me. When people say, are you going to try for a girl next? I think…we had a girl…When I see boy/girl twins I'm reminded that I am missing my girl. I still cry for her. I will never "get over it" but am learning to live with it.

Motherhood is not all sunshine and roses…there are times when I'm tired, not sure how to comfort him, would like to sleep more than 3-4 hours at a time, am tired of being pooped on (lol)…but it's mostly sunshine and roses! The hard times seem to disappear out of my mind when I wake up to the sweet sounds of  him "talking" to toys in his bed, when I say good morning and receive a huge smile and coo back, when he is happy and content just being in my arms, when he puts his little chubby hands on my face, when he looks so lovingly at me…I'm so in love!

I never knew motherhood would be this great!

My Journey to Motherhood

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamed of being a mom. I always had a baby doll with me and would often sleep with one at night. My favorite baby doll was my water baby and I used to pray that if the rapture came or if I died that I would be able to take my water baby with me to Heaven, lol. I figured God would allow that since there can be no sadness in Heaven and I would definitely be sad without my water baby so therefore he would make an exception!

Throughout junior high, high school, and college all of my jobs centered around children. I babysat, nannied, worked at daycares...etc. I taught for a few years after college and daydreamed about the day I would have my own to teach (I've always wanted to homeschool). My husband Adam and I just weren't ready the first few years of marriage. He was still in college and when he graduated we just wanted to enjoy each other's company for a while and form a strong bond before adding to our family. Even though I really wanted to be a mom, I also knew that it was important for us to have that alone time and I also wanted us to both be ready for this commitment, financially and emotionally.

Well, we developed such a strong bond so quickly, one that I never thought was possible to be honest. After seeing my parent's marriage, then divorce, I just assumed that at some point things would go bad and we would end up fighting all the time...not that I wanted that to happen or doubted our love. But after the first year, then the second and third, I was amazed at how happy we were and how strong our love and friendship was! After the 4th year and nearing the 5th year, we were still in the "honeymoon" stage. I missed him during the day when we were apart and couldn't wait to be together again.

We've been able to travel together and have some great memories because of it! It seems like each anniversary gets bigger and more elaborate, lol!

Anni 1-Cabin in Mentone AL...Adam ski'd for the first time at a tiny ski resort with fake snow! :)

Anni 2-Destin Fl...centered around food, lol. This was at Ruth's Chris...Mmmmm!

Anni 3-Carnival Cruise to the Bahamas!!

 Anni 4-Winter Park, Colorado...we went skiing for real this time! ;)

...and snowmobiling! This was during a snow mobile break!

And finally...Anni 5-Anchorage and Fairbanks Alaska!! Let me go back a few months...We were at a good place. Adam had a great job at a new company, we made the big move to Houston Texas (I love Texas), we were at a good place financially, and more importantly...we were both READY!! Ready to become parents! Soooo....we started trying! We were so excited! Three months passed and nothing...I started charting my bbt the 3rd month and realized we had been off on my most fertile days. Even though 3 months doesn't seem long...it definitely is when you are trying! I thought it would never happen! Adam was already talking about seeing a fertility specialist, lol! He's a little impatient! 

Well, we knew that our 5 year anni trip was coming up in January and I told Adam that this would be our last try for a while. We had planned a Christmas cabin getaway with family and friends and I didn't want to have a baby in December or be 9 months preggo at Christmas because then we wouldn't be able to go. I didn't even want to think about not trying because now that we started we didn't want to stop until we became parents! I pushed those thoughts out of my head and we went on our 5 year anni trip to Alaska. It was AWESOME!!! We had such a great time!!!

This was our last night in Alaska! Little did we know that we were parents at this time!!! And yes, since life starts at conception...we were parents! :)

I noticed the last day or so while in Alaska that I was having hot flashes...weird! I thought maybe I was just wind-burned or something. After arriving back home and getting back into our routine, things were normal for the next week or so. Then one night I was REALLY thirsty...out of nowhere. But that was just one night so I didn't think much of it. Then maybe 2 days before AF was supposed to make her appearance...I started getting unusual cramps and a pulling feeling. Nothing major, just unusual. I would dream about the cramps at night and it would wake me up...strange! The night before AF, I told Adam about these weird happenings and he immediately said that I was pregnant! I thought so too, but didn't want to get my hopes up so I tried to play it down. We laid in bed talking about baby names for a while...just dreaming about having a baby and being parents. 

The next day I ran out and got a home pregnancy test. I couldn't wait for Adam to come home that night so we could take the test. He was a little late coming home...I think I called him every 10 minutes to see if he had left yet, lol. FINALLY he walked in the door and we ran straight to the bathroom to take the test. After taking the test, I put it down on the counter and told him not to peek. I walked to the kitchen to throw away the pee cup and before I made it back to the bathroom I heard him yell excitedly and jump up and down. I came running and he met me at the doorway. I said, "You didn't look did you?!" He said, "No, of course not..." but I knew better. He had a gleam in his eye and such a sweet, tender smile and then he hugged me. I dashed into the bathroom and grabbed the test...it was positive!! My hand started shaking and I just couldn't believe it! Wow! We were going to have a family! I was finally a mom!!

It was all so surreal! We immediately started calling family and let them in on the good news! We just couldn't wait...even if we were to have a miscarriage...there was still a little life inside me NOW and we were just too excited not to share that with the people we loved! 

Sooo....what did we do to celebrate?!? We went out that weekend and got 2 puppies, lol! What were we thinking?? I'm still not sure, but that's what we did! Meet Zoe and Daisy!

So to conclude, things could not have worked out more perfectly! We've had our alone time, we've traveled, and we've conceived on our 5th wedding anniversary...how cool is that! Life is great! :)