34 Week Update and Jack's Room!

I can't believe I'm already 34 weeks…only 6 more weeks if he comes on time!! We are so excited and can't wait to meet Jackson! I already have my hospital bags packed and ready to go! :)

So I've been pretty busy the last few weeks unpacking and trying to get this house in order…I'm almost done, yay! All the big stuff is done (painting walls, chairs…etc, making a headboard, refinishing Adam's desk, giving Jack's dresser a makeover…), now it's just hanging pictures and little things like that! I'll try to post pics of the house on my next blog post. 

I'm feeling pretty good these days other than the frequent trips to the bathroom (and I mean frequent) and some backaches (probably from doing too much bending over during my many projects). Jack has been moving a lot and is still getting hiccups all day long. He is especially active right before I go to sleep…sometimes I feel a knee or an elbow slide slowly all the way across my belly. And sometimes he stretches and I can see a foot poking out on one side of my belly (or at least that's what I think it is). 

I finally finished Jack's room! What a relief…I was weirdly stressed about getting it done NOW…I guess it's called nesting! :)

So here's a picture of a plane shelf that I found on bookoo (sort of like Craigslist) and I painted it a light blue/green color to match the accent wall in his room. I put little trinkets on the shelves that Adam and I had gotten on some of our travels since the theme of his room is Travel. 

Here's his bookshelf…still sort of a work in progress as I need to add more books and add pictures eventually to the frames. The boots were my mom's when she was little and the canvas was the one I had painted for the gender reveal. 

Here's a before and after of the dresser. I got this off of Craigslist and as you can see it was very ugly! But I could see the potential and turned it into a suitcase dresser. It also doubles as the changing table!

These are the canvases I painted and put above his crib. 

I've been stocking up on diapers…both sides of the closet are packed full of diapers up top! 

Here's some little shirts I made…I just love how they turned out! Can't wait to put them on Jack! <3

I might use this one as his going home outfit!

 I forgot to mention a couple posts ago…when we went to Florida in July, Adam's parents took us to Turkey Creek and showed us a plaque they had made for Amelia. Adam and I used to hang out at Turkey Creek a lot when we were dating…we used to go there on Adam's lunch break and eat lunch together and walk around and enjoy each other's company. It's a long boardwalk over water and there are places you can stop off and jump in or go tubing down the river.

Amelia's plaque is very special to us, especially since we had so many memories at this place.

It's such a quiet, peaceful place! So beautiful! We used to sit on these benches and talk for hours!

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Dail for doing this, it means a lot to us!! :)

32 weeks!! Quick Update!

So I don't have pictures for you this time but I will have some for the next post! We've been super busy the last few weeks so here's a quick update…

The New House

We are officially home-owners now, whoohoo!! We've been busy painting and unpacking. The only room that is fully unpacked right now is the kitchen…it's been a slow process this time around!! Jackson's room is maybe 75% done…can't wait to show you pics! I love it! We finally got our new living room furniture in this past weekend so that room is coming together now. We still have a long ways to go but we are getting there! We love our house though and love it more each day!

How I'm Feeling

I feel…very big, lol! I'm definitely waddling around now! I've gained over 30 pounds so far…yikes! Remember months back how I said I was getting weird stretch marks/rashes? Well I stopped rubbing coconut oil on my belly and it all went away within a few days so I've been stretch mark and rash free for months now! I guess I was allergic to the coconut oil or something. 

I've been really hungry and thirsty lately…and get tired very easily. Sometimes I feel like I need a nap at 9:00am! My ankles swell if I'm on my feet a lot and just walking from the car to my house makes me out of breath. My hips always feel out of joint (my doctor said probably because they are!) and I'm not always cold anymore…I feel normal and I don't have to bring sweaters everywhere, lol! I haven't had any Braxton Hicks contractions yet so I guess that's a good thing?? 

All in all I'm just really excited and can't wait to meet Jackson! I get really emotional when I think about his birth day! I cried when I saw the cake for him at my baby shower…felt like such a baby too! It's strange…the love that you can have for a child you've never seen! <3

Jackson

Jackson is doing great and growing fast! He gets hiccups at least 3 times a day! He's a very active little boy but also very thoughtful…he doesn't keep me up at night and never kicks me in the ribs! :)

I've graduated to doctor appointments every 2 weeks now! I just had an appointment today and all is well. I had the last ultrasound before he comes and we got to see him moving around and opening his mouth. He likes to have his hands by his face because that's how he was today and also 6 weeks ago during the 4-d ultrasound. They said he was definitely a boy and that he was going to be big. He is already over 5 pounds and I have 8 more weeks to go…he will be over 9 pounds if I go full term! He is measuring a few weeks ahead of the average so he's going to be big and tall! He is positioned head down now and they think he will stay that way since he is big and his head will weigh him down. I was almost certain he was head down because I could feel it…lots of pressure when I'm on my feet a lot and I have to sit and walk a certain way otherwise it hurts…almost like I'm squishing his head. 

We also registered at the hospital today and took a tour…I definitely think we have the right doctor and hospital! They are very much on the same page as us and I'm very excited and relieved! I can't wait for Jackson to get here so I can love on him and kiss those chubby cheeks and pudgy little nose!!

That about sums up the last few weeks! I'd also like to say that I'm so glad that my mom and Eddie have decided to move to Texas to be closer to us! They have been a huge help already and it's so nice to have my mom close by! 

Stay tuned…the next post should have pics of Jackson's room! :)

26 Week Update!

It's been about 2 months since Amelia passed and I've wanted to blog before now but would just sit and stare at the blank screen and then eventually turn it off. The first week was the hardest…going from the mindset of having twins to one, losing our baby girl, feeling kicks from Jackson and knowing that I'll never feel Amelia's kicks. It was very difficult for me, but I think it was equally if not more difficult for Adam…Amelia was the little girl Adam wanted! He wanted a daddy's girl and his little girl was taken away. I was able to cry and get my emotions out while he held his in. I felt so sorry for him…he had to leave work early the first day back because it was just too hard for him…everybody talking about it. Then I felt like it was unfair to Jackson that we were so upset about our baby girl…he's our sweet baby too. The first week was really…strange.

I decided that I needed to get Adam something tangible to hold on to…I felt like it would make things easier for him. I had Jackson…a constant reminder that we still have a beautiful, sweet baby to look forward to. I also had a necklace my Mother-in-law had given me for mother's day that had 2 pair of baby feet, one pink and one blue. I wore it often and it was a comfort to me. So I went to Things Remembered and looked for something I could get Adam. I came across this dog tag necklace that had an angel wing and circular metal piece. I thought it was perfect and I got Amelia's name inscribed on one side and Jackson's name on the other. On the circular metal piece I got 2 hearts intertwined because they are twins. I was so excited to give it to Adam that night! He absolutely loved it and put it on right away…I don't think he's taken it off since and he has a green ring around his neck because of it. I keep telling him to take if off when he gets a shower but he doesn't want to. I've caught him a couple times sitting on the couch watching tv with her name up to his lips…makes me cry thinking about it.

After that first week it was like something snapped…I was much happier and was able to easily make the mental transition from twins to one. I was able to talk about things without breaking down and could smile at her memory. Every once in a while the tears will come…like today as I'm typing…but for the most part I've been able to put the depression and sadness behind me. We are both very much looking forward to Jack's arrival and can't wait to hold our little boy! I had a checkup a few weeks ago and the doctor says everything looks good and I'm measuring right on schedule! He did an ultrasound and I was able to see Jackson gulping down amniotic fluid…it was so cool! I'm so glad he is doing well!! I love feeling his kicks and now they are not just kicks but I can see his body move from one side to the other. Sometimes he will kick off of one side and I'll feel his body hit the other side of my stomach. He also responds to noise now and gets really active in crowds or during movies! He is so cute, I just love him! <3

Well, after a 2 month house-hunting spree, at least 6 offers, constantly being outbid…we FINALLY got a house!!! We will be closing August 15 and our lease is up August 19…whew, that was close! I can't wait to have my own place, to have a yard for the puppies, and to be able to decorate Jackson's room!! I'm so excited!! It's a perfect starter home for us and is on the same street as the neighborhood pool and park!

We recently went on our last vacation before Jack arrives…we went to visit family and friends in Florida! We had a great time and my childhood best friend, Diana (who is also pregnant with a boy), was able to make it down as well. We were finally able to get pictures together pregnant…which was always a dream of ours! Her last and my first. She is exactly 8 weeks ahead of me!

While we were down we scheduled a 4-D ultrasound so that everybody could share this exciting time with us! Adam and I were so excited to see our little boy…I couldn't wait to see who he would look like. We were surprised to see that he had chubby cheeks already (I was 25 weeks at the time) and he was opening his eyes. The ultrasound tech said he weighs almost 2 pounds and has long legs! He is so adorable…I can't wait to hold him!!! We think he has Adam's nose and my lips! It was an amazing experience and I'm so glad we were able to share it with everybody!

Afterwards my step-mom, Luci, had a mini-baby shower for me! We ate lunch at a great restaurant on the water, ate delicious gelato at a little cafe, and had a pampering session at an awesome nail salon! It was so much fun and I absolutely love getting baby stuff so it just made my day!! I can't wait to set up Jackson's room so I can look at all his stuff everyday!

Well I think that about sums up the last 2 months! Lots going on in our lives right now…it's such an exciting time! I'll try to blog more often! :)

My Sweet Angel Baby

Well, a lot has happened since the last update 4 weeks ago. 8 days ago we went in for our gender reveal ultrasound. We had looked forward to this day for months! We both couldn't believe the day had finally arrived. I wanted to video tape during the ultrasound so that we could freeze that moment in time and see our expressions after finding out the genders. They found baby A first, who I had nick-named my Chunky Monkey because of it's size and I also hated calling the babies baby A and B. My monkey was doing great. It took some prodding but we soon found out it was a BOY! I couldn't believe it! He had been sitting cross-legged for a while and the ultrasound tech had to keep poking around to get him to move so we could see the goods. He was measuring over a week ahead of schedule and was in the 90-95% for femur length and abdominal circumference. He is going to be a big, buff man like his daddy! :)

Then the tech went on to find baby B, who I had named Tiny Dancer because of the way this baby seemed to dance at the 11 week ultrasound, and it was smaller. After a few seconds the tech asked us to turn the videotape off. My heart sank...I thought the baby had died. Then we saw a heartbeat and I was so relieved. The tech was very concerned though, because of the baby's small size. We found out she was a GIRL! I was so excited. It was so perfect...a boy and a girl! She was moving her arms and kicking her feet. At one point she moved her arm up to her face and moved her hand to touch her cheek. It was so cute. The mood had changed though and I really didn't have time to enjoy the moment. The tech said she was 4 weeks behind. She said we needed to see our doctor as soon as possible. She was measuring 2 weeks behind in most areas like her head measurements and legs, but her abdominal circumference was 4 weeks behind...it was most likely a placenta issue. She was not getting what she needed. I remember at the 11 week ultrasound, the tech had a hard time finding her placenta...they found our baby boy's right away which looked big and healthy. We left the appointment feeling very sad and not really sure what to think. I think we were in denial a little, thinking oh well, she'll just be small. No big deal, all babies grow at different rates. But deep down I felt like something was really wrong.

We tried to go on with our day like normal and video-taped the gender reveal video. Here's the link if you haven't seen it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWAfSK3w4aI

The next few days were hard for me...I cried often. It was hard to think that she might not make it. The day before we saw our doctor I was sitting on the couch and noticed a bright orangey/pinkish glow coming from outside. It was so bright it drew me outside. This is what I saw.

The picture doesn't do it justice. It was so beautiful and much brighter than this in real life. You can't see it in the picture, but there was a very faint second rainbow right next to this one. It might sound stupid, but it made me happy and gave me hope.

The next day we saw our doctor and he referred us to a specialist. He seemed very optimistic and said there were procedures they could do in some cases that could help. We waited 3 more days until the specialist could get us in. It seemed like forever. I kept telling baby girl to hold on...we would fix this. She will be fine! Finally Friday came, 6 days after our gender reveal ultrasound. I was nervous but optimistic. They immediately did an ultrasound. I was excited to see the babies again. She found baby boy right away and started taking measurements and looking at all his organs and parts. She said he was a big, healthy boy...and there was no doubt he was a boy, lol. He was moving so much she had a hard time getting some of the measurements.

Then she went to the baby girl. She didn't seem to be moving, but I thought maybe she was sleeping. After looking around for a few seconds she said that her amniotic fluid was low so she couldn't really get any good measurements. She said she would go get the doctor to come look at things. Right before she left she asked if we had heard her heartbeat at the ultrasound 6 days ago. I said yes. Then she left. My heart sank. Why would she ask that? So many things came to my mind...What if they don't find a heartbeat? Surely she's fine...we saw her just 6 days ago. I can't lose her, it would be too difficult. They can fix this, she will be fine!

The doctor came in and looked around for a few seconds with the ultrasound. The next few minutes seem like a blur...I can't really remember all the details. She got straight to the point and said our baby girl did not have a heartbeat. Adam and I remained very calm, but inwardly I was going back and forth between panic and denial. Adam just laid his head down on my shoulder. She went on to say that this most likely will not affect our baby boy because they are not identical and therefore are not sharing anything. She said he is doing great and should be fine, but they will have to monitor a little more closely than a normal pregnancy. Baby girl will stay inside until I deliver him. She said it should pose no threat to me or baby since I still have a living baby inside of me. They asked if we wanted pictures and we did so they got us a cd with a few pictures and we left.

I was stunned. Everything normal seemed strange now. The elevator, the door, the parking garage...I fought back tears. As soon as we got into the car I fell apart. My poor baby. I felt so sad for her...she had hung on for so long...18 weeks! She was almost halfway there! Did she suffer? Was she scared? When did she pass? I thought back to that rainbow...I like to think that she passed on that day...that rainbow was a little sign from her.

It's been a very emotional, difficult weekend for us. I woke up the next morning and just cried for hours. I just couldn't believe she was gone. Just a week ago she was alive and moving. I'm so completely heartbroken! I couldn't do anything to save her.

I wrote this poem for her when I was in my in my most depressed state. I know it seems so corny and cliche, but it actually helps to write things down.

My Angel Baby

I will always love you,

My beautiful angel baby in the sky!

My heart aches so terribly.

I miss you more as each day goes by.

I love you sweet baby,

My tiny dancer, my girl.

I miss the sound of your heartbeat

And watching you flutter and twirl.

When you see me from Heaven,

Just know that I'm thinking of you.

When you dance on streets of gold,

Your brother will be dancing here too.

Goodbye my sweet angel,

My special baby, my love.

I will see you again someday.

We will meet up above.

You can tell me about your childhood,

And all the wonderful things you've done.

All the stories you've heard,

And all the songs you have sung.

I can't wait for that day,

But for now we must part.

Until then my sweet love,

You will be in my heart!

We have names picked out...She was going to be Amelia. Her middle name was Marie...after my MawMaw who passed away a few years ago. I like to think that MawMaw is rocking her and loving on her right now. We settled on a baby boy name the day before we found out we were pregnant. He is Jackson Eli...Jackson was Adam's grandpa's middle name. I wanted them both, loved them both...but I am so thankful that I still have baby Jack. Every time I feel sad or start to cry, he kicks me as if to say, don't cry mommy...I'm still here. I have to be strong for him...it's not good to be depressed because it will affect him. I'm giving myself a few days to be completely heartbroken and then I've got to move on ...for him. Not that I will ever forget Amelia...but I will focus on her being in a better place. I will be happy for her.

Here's a video of Amelia at 11 weeks...my tiny dancer! :) We will never forget you sweet baby!

15 week update!

Wow, time is flying by! I turned 15 weeks on Sunday!! I'm so excited May is finally here...so many exciting things are happening in May for us. In less than 2 weeks we will finally meet Dr. Bullock, in 2.5 weeks we find out the genders (hopefully...if they cooperate), I'm meeting with a birth photographer and doula sometime this month and we will hopefully be starting the pre-approval process for our first home in the next few days! :) :) :)

So I've had some exciting and not so exciting things happen since my last post. A little over a week ago (April 28) I ate some delicious chili I had made. About an hour or so later I started feeling little twitches right below my belly button. At first it was maybe 2-3 times per minute and I would pause and try to figure out what it was. Then it started happening like...I can't even count how many times in a minute. That's when I realized it was little baby kicks!! It felt like small muscle twitches. Two days before that we had listened to the babies heartbeats with my fetal heart doppler and the kicks were coming from the same spot we heard baby A's heartbeat (I know it was her/him because of the ultrasound we had at 11 weeks). So as the baby was kicking, Adam was watching my belly intently. He said he could see the kicks from the outside and at first I was skeptical...but he knew before I told him when the baby kicked. The kicks went on for at least 2 hours and I fell asleep that night to sweet little baby kicks. This was the first time I knew for sure it was baby kicks! I guess they like chili! I've been dying to feel more kicks but haven't felt that same feeling since then. I've been feeling tiny movements here and there but nothing like those kicks. I think the baby must have turned outward for that little kicking session and then moved back inward.

So on to the not so exciting news...I started getting tiny stretch marks already!! Ahhh! It happened in the middle of my 14th week. I noticed one day my skin was feeling really dry and almost burning. I looked at my belly and all along the sides and towards my back I had little stretch marks...it looked like cracked desert ground! I knew it was coming, but did not expect it to happen so soon! I had been using coconut oil once a day and the day I got the marks I had missed using the oil. Since then I've been applying the oil 2-3 times a day...mainly because it's painful if I don't. My skin starts getting a burning sensation and the only thing that helps is the oil. The majority of the stretch marks have now turned into tiny red bumps...not sure if that's normal. It's also really itchy so it's been hard not to scratch! The good thing about the stretch marks is that I know the babies are growing and I know my hips are expanding! I'm finally getting my tiger stripes, lol!

I love these babies! I can't wait to meet them! Only 25 more weeks...give or take! <3

12 Weeks Pregnant!

Yesterday I made it to 12 weeks pregnant!! Whoo hoo! I can't believe how fast time is flying by! I just wanted to post a 12 week pic since I haven't posted a baby bump pic since week 6! I've grown a lot in 6 weeks...some people say that I look 4-5 months pregnant already...especially since this is my first pregnancy. At 7 weeks I remember thinking it was crazy that I was starting to show already and I even felt like the way I walked had changed...then when I found out I was having twins it all made sense! I've seen the biggest change in the last 2 weeks. After 10 weeks they started growing like crazy! So here I am at 12 weeks...with my first pair of maternity pants I recently purchased (love them, so comfy)!

I feel great! This pregnancy has been super easy so far! I've hardly had any morning sickness...as long as I eat every 3 hours or so. I really didn't experience any nauseousness at all until my tenth week...I had a few days of being slightly nauseous during that week...and yesterday I got really nauseous all of a sudden and realized I hadn't eaten for 4-5 hours. Other than that, no morning sickness! 

Some things I've been experiencing but had no idea they were associated with pregnancy until now...being bloated!! Apparently digestion slows down so my body can better absorb all the nutrients...resulting in me being bloated. Had no idea! Another thing...sore hips! I guess my hips are stretching and moving so it feels like I've been working out and I'm really sore. Ovary Cramping is another one I didn't know was a symptom...I've had that from the very beginning! The last few weeks I haven't noticed it as much. 

I've had lots of food cravings! First and foremost....pickles and more importantly-pickle juice! Mmmm...there's just something about it that I crave! This has been the past 2 weeks or so. I've also been craving fruit...pretty much throughout the whole pregnancy. Pears and melons to be exact...probably because of their high water content. I also craved red meat temporarily early on in my pregnancy...probably when my body was trying to get my blood volume up. Sweets, Olive Garden Salads, and cheese are a few others. I like to think of myself as a pretty disciplined person, but when it comes to these cravings...it's REALLY hard not to eat sweets! I started eating fruit when I would get these cravings and that seems to help temporarily! 

Oh, and one more thing...I think I might have felt Baby A doing flips recently. I felt it Saturday and Sunday this past weekend. The feeling is close to where we found Baby A during the ultrasound last week and since Baby A is measuring almost 2 weeks ahead...it's possible. It's a feeling I've never felt before and happened about 4 times Saturday, and twice Sunday. Both times I was on a walk. :) :) :)

Ultrasound #2...Fraternal or Identical?

So last time I blogged I mentioned that we were going to tour a birth center and that we would find out if the twins were fraternal or identical...well our appointment was yesterday! We had been looking forward to it and couldn't wait until Wednesday came! The birth center was an hour away with traffic, but we were so excited about the appointment it seemed like we were driving for FOREVER!! Finally we arrived (5 minutes late because MapQuest had said it would only take 45 minutes...) and went in and had to fill out some forms. Then we took a tour. The rooms were much smaller than the last birth center we visited (Nativiti) and the waiting area was much smaller too. It was nice, but when compared to Nativiti not quite as nice. Then we went into the waiting room and talked with one of the midwives. She seemed really nice, but afterwards Adam and I both had the same feeling...we just didn't feel right about the whole thing. I don't really know how to explain it, but we just didn't get the same feeling that we felt at Nativiti with the wonderful midwives there.

So....we decided to look into other options. I made an appointment on May 19 with a doctor that came highly recommended from the midwives at Nativiti, Dr. Gerald Bullock. He is an older doctor...in his 70's, and has tons of experience delivering twins vaginally. He's also more old-fashioned and is not so quick to jump to all the medical interventions they do these days. The reason I didn't want a hospital birth was because of all the interventions they try to push on you...and a lot of doctors these days will automatically set you up for a c-section if you are having twins. They won't even let you try to birth them naturally. Also, my mom had a mini-stroke with the birth of my sister, and that is the only birth they used petocin on...so I just really want to find a doctor who is on the same page as me and won't force those interventions on me. I still might consider a home birth, but I feel like this is the way I'm being lead right now.

Ok, on to more exciting news...the ultrasound! The birth center we went to said they couldn't do the type of ultrasound we needed so they recommended SonoMasters. We called them as soon as we left the birth center and they were able to get us in that same day! We were sooooo excited!! We love ultrasounds...I think its becoming an addiction, lol! The place was really nice and the ultrasound techs were so sweet. They zoomed in on the first baby they found (Baby B) and it was so neat to see! Last time we had an ultrasound (3 weeks ago) we could barely see anything. This time it actually looked like a baby. Baby B was kicking its little legs and moving all around. It was the cutest thing ever! Then they moved down to find Baby A. Well we thought Baby B had grown a lot...we were shocked when we saw Baby A...it was HUGE compared to Baby B. Later on we found out that it was probably just because Baby B was deeper in my uterus so it just looked like Baby A was a lot bigger...although Baby A is measuring a week ahead of Baby B...but that's typical with twins. I was 11 weeks 3 days yesterday and Baby A is measuring at 13 weeks while Baby B is measuring at 12 weeks...so they are both ahead of schedule. And no, my dates are not wrong because she said in all other areas I'm measuring at 11 weeks...they are just big! So baby A was moving around a lot too, mainly moving its arms around...and it almost looked like it was sucking its thumb. :) Their heart rates came down a lot...3 weeks ago they were both 182bpm. Yesterday they were both 162bpm.

So the ultrasound tech called in another tech to see if the twins are identical or fraternal. She said because of the septum she saw, and the two placentas (one of them was still developing so harder to see)...they are fraternal!! She said that's the best kind to have! That's what I was thinking this whole time so it wasn't a surprise to me...we are so happy! So we are supposed to go back in a month or so and find out the genders...and get a 4D ultrasound...they do them earlier for twins. I can't wait!!!

Here's 2 videos that Adam captured during the ultrasound. The video where you see just one of the babies moving around...that's Baby B. You'll see in the video of them both how much bigger Baby A looks...and you can see them both moving around at the same time if you notice Baby B in the upper right part of the screen. Also, if you look really closely...and quickly, you can see the flutter of their hearts throughout the videos. Soooo neat!! I just love them so much and can't wait to meet them!!